I'M A TRAIN WRECK - HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

I won't lie, but these past two days have been HELL. I wasn't in the groove, so with Pollyanna's permission, I disembarked from the happy train for the weekend. I had business to attend to, namely bringing Claudia to the airport...I needed to wallow in misery, and feel every ounce of pain. Sometimes pain is good, right? It is the precipitating factor that sparks major changes in your life. It is not just the loss of a dear daughter for a while, it is also the loss of my identity. I need to now re-invent myself...No longer the 'mammy' - a role I have very happily played for the past twenty years. No more school runs, teacher luncheons, student events, and Yeah no more private school fees! (thanks for whispering that in my ear Pollyanna. I needed it).

Saturday morning I was driving poor Claudia nutz going around singing 'The girl is gone, gone gone', 'She's outta my life' and 'the doggone girl is gone'. Don't ask me why I was singing those weird songs. It was Michael Jackson and somebody else all muddled up together in a big mess, just like me. Then just as we were leaving the house, Chichi was incredibly lonely, and the poor thing, chubby as she is, tried to jump up into the trunk of the car, and into her suitcase. It would bring a tear to a stone to watch her. She has not eaten an ounce of food all weekend. Animals are incredibly sensitive, more than one could realise. She is crazy about Claudia.

Sure, I have a lot to be morose about at the moment, but also a lot to be glad about too. I am thrilled Claudia, at 17, is courageous and confident enough to take this massive adventure on board. You rock girl! I was equally morose when Alexandra went to Canterbury U.K. for 3 years. It was worth the effort, and now she has her Bachelor of Science in Psychology. No pain - no gain! You rock girl! And little Vicky taking on two jobs and her business and psychology studies - You rock too girl! Mamma bear does not want to be left behind!! Pollyanna will be my special assistant to keep me on track.

I am also losing my dear dad to Alzheimer's. It was his 86th birthday yesterday. Wish I could have been there. Yes, life is tough right now - but I ain't goin' down without a good fight!! I ain't goin' down... This Pollyanna project could not be happening at a better time for me, and maybe for you? It is an experiment after all. I want to see if the power of positive thinking, and 'the glad game' will get me through life's hurdles. I am in transition in my life; at a major crossroads. The Pollyanna Express will hopefully guide me in the right direction. And maybe you?

Over the next year D.V. I will be studying this Happiness thing, reading lots of books on the subject, putting it to the test - and driving everybody nuts no doubt! I want to be the Captain in control of my own train of thought... It's all good, right? Mid-life is not an easy time. Hormones are hopping like fleas, and just as irksome. You can go 'up' or 'down'...get older, or, as my favourite spiritual writer, Marianne Williamson, would say, "get younger". Over the next year, I want to take up dancing classes, swimming classes and yes 'get younger'. It's all in the lap of the Gods.

I'll part with a very funny incident that happened to us on Robson Street in Vancouver on Saturday. There were two (the other will be on my high fives list for the week). The five of us (Kevin, Ali, Victoria, Claudia and myself) were all walking back to the hotel after dinner, and getting ready for the airport. There were two men walking in front of us, each carrying a six pack of beer in their hands. Suddenly a poor street man in rags stopped them, and said "Hey, I'm a damn good  Lawyer, can I handle your case for you?"- 'case' being the beer! You should have been there, we all got a good laugh. Just what the doctor ordered!

POLLYANNA POLLYANNA What have you got up your sleeve this week?

Keep tuned in to find out!

Polly Hugs,

Love ya,

Patricia xxx